The Concept:
Visit bars you drive past often, but never go into - and experience it for yourself. Every bar is a one-and-done - you're not there for the ambiance, you're there for the experience.
Overall Rules:
1. Majority of participants have never been to the bars visited. Preferably it’s everyone’s first visit.
2. No less than 4 judges.
3. No fighting – leave the violent drunks at home.
Bar Rules:
1. If the bar is not deemed “shitty” enough by co-judges…. Round is compliments of the person who suggested the bar
2. If you know anyone at the bar, it’s your round.
3. If you are related to anyone at the bar, the next 2 rounds are on you.
Judging Criteria:
1. Quality of clientele at said “shitty” establishment.
2. Drink types being served at the bar
3. Quality of bathrooms
4. Quality of the actual bar (i.e. bar surface, floors, etc).
5. Everyone looks at you when you walk into the bar because… “you ain’t from around here”
Positive scoring:
1. Dogs at the bar (actual canines, not patrons)
2. Mullet count
3. Approximate quantity of aqua net used by clientele (male or female)
4. Old guy drinking at end of the bar
5. Bicycle used as a mode of transportation to the bar.
6. Golf cart used as a mode of transportation to the bar.
7. Lodging attached to the bar, or available on bar premises.
8. Shag carpet in the bar – points doubled if used as wall covering.
9. Liberal use of building materials in non-traditional ways.
10. Holiday decorations year round.
11. Unpaved or poorly paved parking lot
12. You suspect top topics of conversation center around the “glory days” of high school when they were on the football team.
13. Few to no windows to let in natural light.
14. Taxidermy animals.
15. Noticeably dirty, smelly, and in open violation of health code.
16. Small selection with all domestic beer, few if any draft beer lines, no top shelf liquor.
17. Meat raffle
18. Low ceilings
19. How many tapper handles have plastic cups on them.
20. Jar of pickled eggs
Disqualifications:
1. Nice bathrooms
2. More than 3 premium beers are available
3. Bar is crowded – Shitty bars are predominantly empty.
4. Bachelor or Bachelorette party taking place at the bar.
5. The existence of a blender at the bar.
Just for fun:
1. Guess the guy with the cherry ride in the lot
Variations/Themes:
1. Shitty Bowling Alley Night
2. Shitty VFW/American Legion Night
3. Shitty Moose Club Night